Alone
by Siancore
Summary: Set Series 3x13 when Gwen was left in the abandoned castle while everyone else went off and saved the day.


Alone 

"Gaius!" she called into the dark and empty room that was only lit in a few places by strategically placed candles. Gwen's voice echoed back to her off the cold, stone walls. "Gaius!" slightly louder than before... Her voice cracked as she walked hurriedly to the adjoining room. _Nothing._ The old physician was nowhere to be seen and Gwen felt her throat tighten as the tears began to fill her eyes.

Arthur and the new Knights of Camelot had only just taken their leave to head toward the troubled city in a bid to rescue the King and his people from the clutches of the bastard queen, Morgana. She was already distressed from the worry that her friends would not return from their mission, and her only solace was that she and Gaius would keep busy preparing bandages for the wounded that would come back; but now, her dear old friend was gone. Crazy thoughts began to enter Gwen's mind; had Morgana's immortal soldiers somehow found the castle and slaughtered the old man? If so, they would have had to pass Arthur and the others..._Oh no, had they been slaughtered as well?_ _Calm down Guinevere!_ She thought to herself, _he's just gone to keep making preparations, Gaius will return shortly._ She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, sat at the round table, and continued to make bandages.

It is a peculiar situation to be in, that is, being on one's own. Every slight sound the breeze made as it danced through the trees and against the glass windows made Gwen sit up straight and look about the room with eyes wide. Her heart raced insight her chest, threatening to jump through her bones as the heavy beating rose to her throat and replaced the lump that was there. She reached for one of the weapons that Elyan had left for her; it felt cold and heavy in her shaking hand as she slowly stood and made a move toward the door.

The wind blew again and Gwen decided she was silly for thinking it was immortal _anything_ coming to kill her. Although, she was still wondering where her dear old friend was...

_Where could Gaius be?_ It had been almost ten minutes and the old physician still had not returned. She made up her mind that Gaius had followed the others as he would be more use to them in Camelot rather than lying low in the abandoned castle. Once she had settled on this conclusion, she really did feel alone. Gwen's mind drifted back to the all the times when she felt like this before...Alone and hurt with only her tears and the sharp pain in her heart to remind her that she was still alive.

Gwen recalled how hurt she was when she spent the night alone in the cold, damp cell in Camelot, accused of sorcery (the first time). How she had cried and looked Merlin in the eyes and asked him to do one thing for her (and that he really didn't have to); to _remember _her. Gwen remembered how alone she felt when her older brother Elyan had left home to follow his own path in life. _All will be fine, Gwen_ he had said to her. _Father will be here with you;_ but he too was taken from her.Gwen's most imaginable pain was when her father had died – then she knew she was truly _alone_. Arthur had told her he was sorry for the loss of her father, and that her job was safe and her house was hers to keep. She would lie in that small house all alone and weep for her father. Sometimes, she would find herself in his bed, where she could smell his lingering scent on the bed linen. She would cry herself to sleep and dream of his kind face and his smile. She would wake in the dim light of the dawn and scream out for her father; a scream that sliced through the cool morning air and hurt her throat as she closed her red, stinging eyes. She called out _father, _but he was gone and she was alone.

Gwen's mind went back to the time when she was told by Hengist that no one in the world cared for her; and it truly seemed like no one did as she leaned against the wall of _that _cell and let the tears run down her soft, brown face. She felt so alone when later, she was rescued from Hengist, by Arthur (who was begged), only to awaken to find Lancelot had deserted her; and the quiet and painful journey home when Arthur could not even look at her or speak to her. Gwen felt alone when Morgana held her close after Arthur delivered her to her Mistress (because he was begged to) and she saw the hurt in his deep, blue eyes. She felt alone as he slowly turned his back and descended the stairs; walking away from her, for the second time, but this time, not looking back.

_Arthur, _her brave prince who had gone to fight a losing battle and who feared that he may never see _her_ again, as she quietly shared his fear but did not let him see this fear. Gwen rarely showed her fears, and she knew that Arthur needed her to trust and believe in him. So she would not cry in front of him, instead, like always, Gwen would wait until she was alone, with her knees tucked up to her chin, hugging herself in a way as to still herself from shaking as the deep sobs rose from her small body.

Gwen fell asleep on the cold floor of the old castle, dreaming of her brother, her friends and her prince. It was not a nice dream, but one that was littered with bloodcurdling screams, the sound of swords clashing angrily in the cool night air... all fire and blood and rage. Gwen awoke to find her face drenched in tears and sweat in the faint morning light. _It was just a dream, Guinevere. _She told herself. Then the question crossed her mind; who would be left to remember her now if they were all gone? If they had died in this dark hour, who would even know that she was lying in this old castle alone, crying for them? Gwen would not stand to lose her brother and her friends. She would die soon after, because if Arthur died, so too would all of her hopes and dreams; the future that she saw with him, the child that she dreamed about with her dark skin and his blue eyes. If Arthur was dead, she, and all of Camelot would soon follow and she would not even care if she died. It would be a welcome relief from her being alone to deal with the pain of his loss; the deep hole that would be left in her soul.

The sound of approaching horses caused Gwen to rise to her feet. She rushed to the window to see through tear filled eyes the Knights of Camelot coming at full speed toward the old castle, their red capes flying behind them. Gwen smiled as she wiped her eyes and face and ran down to greet them. She almost lost her footing as she raced down the stairs eager to see her brave heroes. Her feet hit the moist ground hard as she came to a sudden halt. _Where's Arthur and Merlin?_ Her brother was there, as was Sir Leon, Gwaine, Lancelot and Percival, yet Arthur and Merlin were nowhere to be seen. Gwen felt her legs weaken as she fell to her knees on the ground. A sharp stabbing pain ripped through her chest as the once smiling Knights leaped from their horses to be by her side. Gwen, surrounded by the men in the red capes, could not speak nor could she breathe as she believed her worst fears to be true. Her dear friend and her Arthur had not survived and even in the presence of 5 others, she was more alone than ever.


End file.
